What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize