She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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