You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
