This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
