Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
