I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
