I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
