And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
