Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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