Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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