Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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