fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
