the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
