Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
