I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
