she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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