Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
