5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
