I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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