Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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