u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
