i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
