New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm way too hungover for life right now
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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