I CAN MOONWALK!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
