you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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