Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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