just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
