i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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