why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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