you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize