Bisexual people are plain selfish.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize