I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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