I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
