I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
