okay pat passed out under dana's car
I met the friendliest cop last night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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