If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize