Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
