Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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