i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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