I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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