Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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