I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
