If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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