I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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