if i can run in heels then i can drive
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
