if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
