i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
