Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
