i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
