I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
