Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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