you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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