what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
