my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
