I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
