I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
