if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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