and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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