I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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