He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
