Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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