apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
