sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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