I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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