Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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