When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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