So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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