I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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