JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
