Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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